I'm very glad The Rules came out.After finding "The Rules" I gained an insight into the game that *certain* types of men expected me to play, and were themselves playing.
However as I was trying to do the Rules, I realized that "The Rules" just don't work on some people, and that doesn't make it a bad relationship or a bad situation -- it just means that these people don't follow the same male/female roles.
I agree with Dr. Tracy Cabot, and the previous reviewer who mentioned Kiersey/Myers-Briggs persoality typing, in that "The Rules" fail to take into account individual sensitivity. In short, it's a good description of some people... but not of others.
Despite its flaws, I find "The Rules" is a good guide for survival out in the dating world. I can see how this book has its merits. It is a very useful guide to how to set your own limits, and not get taken advantage of.
I don't think it has universal applicability, and I think you need to exercise some critical thinking about each rule.
The basic spirit of "The Rules" is don't get with anyone who doesn't already like *you*, don't make yourself totally available with your time, make them do their share of the work, and don't let them - too early in the game - think they've 'won you' before you've actually set up a committed relationship.
This is great advice for *anyone*. This is especially great advice for those "nice guys" out there who can't get women to like them as anything more than friends. Basically the message is... "don't let them win the race before they've actually crossed the finish line." Don't give your all to someone who hasn't given their all.
The bit about a "romantic gift" I have issue with because everyone's idea of romantic is different. I always hated it when guys got me a single red rose or something stereotyped because it showed they didn't know what I really liked. On the other hand, the most romantic gifts I've gotten were: from one, books about cats and psychology (interests of mine); from another, a stuffed Linux penguin, a computer game and a science fiction magazine.
The *letter* of The Rules however is what I had the most issue with.
It assumes all people are basically the same.
In my experience, the sweetest, most wonderful men in my life were the shy and emotionally available ones who had made themselves available for friendship, but had not approached me in a 'Dating' style format as is outlined in "The Rules". According to "The Rules" I should ditch these men because they didn't make the first move.
"Romantic" is also in the eye of the beholder. For those of you versed in Kiersey/Myers-Briggs terminology, I agree with the guy way back, who commented that "The Rules" may apply to ESFJ women trying to snare ESTJ or ESTP men - these are the extraverted, sensate, everyday people that constitute 90% of us, from construction workers to corporate lawyers. I agree there.
I'm an INTP/INFP, and also an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and have in recent years exclusively dated people like me - i.e., my fellow geeks. Favorite meeting places for me, and the people I like to date, are generally not going to be the "meat-market" venues suggested by The Rules. Actually I tried to do that scene for years, and found I was meeting -- sensate, extraverted guys I had nothing in common with, both as a bookworm and as an introvert.
In short --
If your dating style is to go after alpa-male types, and go to meat-market venues, then yes, follow The Rules and follow ALL of them. This is an EXCELLENT guide as to how to date alpha male corporate lawyer types while avoiding the players who invariably know at least half of the rules (but will bail if you play ALL of them). A good book to pair this with would be "Men who can't love".
If you like those shy, intellectual kind of guys, or guys with a more developed feminine side, and you don't go to meat-markets --
AVOID this book. Better guides to dating would be:
"Intellectual Foreplay" by Eve Eschner Hogan and Steven Hogan
"The Highly Sensitive Person in Love" by Dr. Elaine Aron
"if The Buddha Dated" by Charlotte Kasl.
"How to love a Nice Guy" by Judy Kuriansky.
"The Rules" works for 90% of men. If that's what you go for - then by all means. I have a friend I desparately wish would read this book, because she keeps getting taken in by exactly the kind of guys who need "The Rules" done on them.
HOWEVER - if you are interested in that other 10%, generally a quieter, more sensitive and cerebral kind of person -- don't be afraid to admit that.
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